Many otherwise erudite reviews of military history, although seemingly thorough in their consideration of the myriad, nay, infinite factors that influence the movement of world events on the grandest scale, have been horribly remiss in their singular omission of what is perhaps the most important event of our modern time: The Big Nasty Snake Battle of 1912.
This conflict, influencing every sector of our society, be it economic, political, environmental or social, ignored until now, has at last been given the treatment it deserves. Max C's new treatise, will now and forever be the apogee of study of this great moment in history, and is sure to, itself, be the subject of nearly as much, shall we say, attentive review, as the event itself now promises to receive, since the publication of...it.
And now, the premier publication of the epic study by Max C:
The Big Nasty Snake Battle of 1912
In an epic battle of stocks Nasdaq barges into the Dow Jones Industrial Average building. Darn those ups and downs! It's war.
CEO Ralph Hinnbrick leads wave one, the "Ups", swinging his pen that he brandishes like a sword. Nasdaqers plunge into the Dow's desks set up as fortifications which protect grim phone hurling Dows. Hinnbrick watched as his pen battlers fell like ninepins to the phones that criss-crossed the room in dangerous flight patterns. He himself destroyed three enemy desks before a computer from a catapult at the back of the room hit him squarely in the face. It was lethal! It killed three Nasdaqers in one assault. At last the remaining Nasdaqers were evacuated under a smoke screen of papers that fell like snow through the room.
Next day the remaining "Ups" and "Downs" charged into battle with a new plan. They would remain in the shadow of the desks until the enemy stopped hurling things. Unfortunately the Dows dumped their ice-cold water cooler on them. Eventually the Dows charged and put up a heroic stand using guerilla tactics but the Nasdaqers, equipped with the atomic pencil dropped on them and ended the war quickly and efficiently rather taking everybody in a big truck to a slaughter house and kill them their the messy way. Janitors don't like that. Too messy! So the atomic pencil was the solution.
Years later some historian remarked, rather soft in the head, "Sounds like a nasty snake to me", and it went down in history as the Big Nasty Snake Battle of 1912. My neighbor Mrs. Tibbles says it should be "Pearl Harbor, Waterloo and D-Day mixed with the Battle of the Bulge". Not that they changed it. She was soft too.
How can one possible follow. It speaks for itself.